Flip Flopper

“She’s an angel all day, but at nighttime it’s war!” -Quote from my husband.

It’s amazing that almost all babies are born with their nights and days switched. Our little girl is 7 weeks old and can sleep almost every minute of the day (although I’ll admit she is having more alert hours while the sun is still up), but at night we have to trick her into sleeping. This requires putting her in a food-induced coma, rocking her, playing lullabies, singing to her, swaddling her, playing a sound machine…anything that the books, the doctors, the family, and the friends say will work.

It seems like the bouncers and swings and cradles that jostle her around, not only put her to sleep faster, but KEEP her asleep. So why haven’t they invented rocking or vibrating cribs? I should be calling my patent attorney right now and get this thing going. Well, I’m sure there is a medical or developmental reason why cribs shouldn’t move, but it does make sense to me.

So here I am now, writing this entry at 3:15 am, because I just finished feeding my little one at 2:10, then I rocked her and made sure she was asleep for about 20 minutes, and for the last 45 minutes she has been sleeping in her crib! But guess who also has her night and days switched now? That’s correct! I used to crash as soon as my head hit the pillow and now I want to sleep all day with her and stay up writing blogs at night. Oh wait, I hear her kvetching right now…gotta go do some mothering! Until we meet again….

THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM and THE GUILT THAT FOLLOWED

For some reason, I always thought I would go into labor early. I was born two weeks early, and I just had a feeling it would be that way for my baby too. When I was about halfway through my pregnancy I actually said to my husband, “I just hope the baby makes it to week 35.” I felt that at 35 weeks, although premature, the baby would have enough time to develop. Then, when I was 34 weeks along, my husband and I took our childbirth preparation class. After the class I said, “I feel really ready for our baby to come now!”

Around this time, most of my family and I were suffering from a stomach virus. I went to the doctor for my 34 week check up and he noticed that I was dehydrated and he was uncomfortable with the stomach issues I was having. He performed an exam and told us that the baby’s head had dropped low and my cervix was already starting to efface. There was no great cause for concern since many women can walk around like this for weeks, but my orders were to take it easy and call again if my stomach cramps continued. I was still allowed to go to an easy prenatal yoga class and keep my pregnancy massage appointment. When my cramping continued two days later, but my family’s had all gone away days before, I called the doctor again in the evening. He said to come in the next morning, but by 4:00 a.m., I was already in labor – mucus plug gone, back contractions started, and water bag broken, all in a thirty minute period. Our baby arrived a day before she was 35 weeks.

The most important things to note and be thankful for: I have a little girl (yay!), she was a great weight and length for being 5 weeks early (5 lbs, 11 oz and 19 inches), she was born without any problems and has been so strong, and I had an easy and pretty short labor.

Here is what troubled me: Why did she come so early? Was it this virus that became a catalyst for labor? Was I really in pre-term labor all along? Was it going to yoga and my massage when I could have taken it easier? Did I will it to happen by putting the idea out there earlier in my pregnancy and verbalizing how ready I felt? Logically, I know that I didn’t will her birth to happen early and we’ll never know the reason. But for about a week after she was born, although I was thrilled she was healthy and calm and beautiful, I was also deeply saddened that she didn’t have more time to get ready for the outside world and I was beset with a guilt I suppose most mothers in this situation might feel.

I think as a reaction I wanted to hold her all the time. If I was holding her I knew she was close to me and safe. As soon as we put her to bed, I was overcome with worry about her safety. Would I have felt these feelings had she been full-term? I guess I won’t know the answer to that either.

After several rounds of tears during that first week home and many talks with my husband and parents, I came to accept that our baby was early and that it was and will be okay! It was a lesson that reminded us that you can’t really plan anything in life. She came when she was ready and no one can be in control of that. So now we can only look forward, and what an exciting adventure is ahead!

THE BREAST IS BEST - That is when you HAVE a breast!

If you look in parenting/pregnancy magazines and books, you won’t be able to avoid ads and articles about nursing and its products, such as maternity bras, breast pumps, help from lactation specialists, etc., with the slogan “the breast is best.”

Society has made a 180 degree turn from my parents’ generation. Both of my parents were bottle fed, and breastfeeding was NOT considered sophisticated or necessary. These days breastfeeding is encouraged over formula mainly because of the benefits of disease and allergy protection and probably also the bonding experience. However, it has gotten to the point that some lactation experts, among others, have become militant about getting women to breast feed and look down upon women who choose to (but maybe have to) bottle feed. The beginning of the "mommy wars" starts here...

Anyway, there are several reasons women go with formula. Some have to go to work right away and can’t pump enough to sustain breastfeeding. Other women adopt children, and we all understand why breastfeeding isn’t happening there. Others simply don’t produce enough milk, get infections, suffer from breast feeding pain, or have a baby that doesn’t latch well.

I won’t be able to breastfeed either, but my reason is slightly “unusual.” Due to having a high risk of breast cancer, I chose to have a preventative double mastectomy about a year and a half ago. I could have waited until AFTER I had children as to not deprive them of my heavenly breast milk, according to the lactation militia. However, I consciously decided that it was more important for me to be alive and healthy for my children than to breastfeed and increase the risk of getting an aggressive cancer. This is not the decision every woman makes being in my place, but it was the right one for me.

When my husband and I met with our pediatrician recently, we explained our non-breastfeeding situation, and she essentially put it this way: it’s not like the breastfed people end up at Harvard and the formula fed kids don’t. So there really, truly is not a significant difference in the long-term health of children who went without the breast. All babies get colds and that’s that. Can’t cry over spilled milk…pun intended.

I also started thinking about all the positives about NOT breastfeeding. First off, when the baby wakes up at night to eat, I don’t always have to get up to feed him or her. My husband gets to share in the responsibility and privilege. He’ll be able to bond with the baby during feedings, which many men don’t get to do. I also won’t have to worry about running back home if I’m away from the baby because I’m leaking or need to get a feeding in. Best of all, I won’t have to pump, which I hear can be quite annoying, time consuming, and doesn’t feel so great. Who would have known having "foobs" could give one such freedom? And of course the most important part being that I won’t have to fear breast cancer and prepare for the surgery I already did!

All that being said, there is a slight pang of guilt when I get bombarded by “breast is best” in all the reading. I just have to remind myself of the big picture and I feel a lot better. But let me warn any lactation specialist who tries to harass me at the hospital: I will tell you to go away without explanation. And if you want one, I’ll tell you to look at the cover of your health system’s annual report and check out the cover girl! 2010 Annual Hospital Report

AGE in the CITY

In 2009, The CDC estimated that the average age for first time mothers in the U.S. had jumped from age 21 in 1970 to 25 in 2006. I think it’s even more interesting to see how that number is likely different across different cities in the United States. I’m not a sociologist nor have I looked into many studies, but I can share some thoughts about the differences in the cities I have frequented (Chicago and Los Angeles) .

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that in most large cities in the U.S., even 25 seems very young to have a first child nowadays. These days, 25 even seems young to be getting married. When I was 12 years old, I thought I would be married by 21 and have a kid by 24. Then I hit 21 and realized that my maturity and place in life was not yet suited for marriage and parenting.

During my “quarter life crisis,” I moved to LA and it was around age 25-26 that I noticed and heard about a good portion of my Chicago friends/acquaintances getting married. By 27-28 a larger portion of the Chicagoans were getting married and even starting to have their first babies. It seemed like in Chicago, it was normal to be married and have a kid in your 20’s and also normal to be single and dating.

This did not appear to be the case in LA. My perception of life in LA for a woman was that career came first, and that had to be pursued all throughout one’s 20’s and possibly into one’s mid-30’s before even considering settling down, let alone having a baby. The stereotype of men in their 30’s to 50’s dating “girls” in their 20’s didn’t seem like a stereotype at all, considering I was one of those gals for a moment in time (but, ew, never over mid 40’s!!!!). With a dating dynamic such as that, it’s no wonder people aren’t settling down until later in life…and for many of these men I’ve observed, maybe not ever settling down and trying to play George Clooney for the rest of their lives. So when I got married in Los Angeles at 28, I felt very young compared to my surroundings, however, in Chicago it would seem to be an average age, and in middle of nowhere America, actually pretty old.

So now here I am, 29 years old, turning 30 just a few months after my baby is to be born, and I feel like it’s just the perfect age…for me. In the end, the age doesn’t matter of course, it’s feeling ready and being in the right place and having the right person by your side.

EPIDURAL GUILT? HELL NO!

I just finished watching a birth show where a woman had a water birth, which is done completely naturally. There was a LOT of moaning and eye closing. It seems that every time I watch a learning show about childbirth, the women who go natural says things such as, “my body is splitting in half,” or “I can’t do this anymore,” or simply scream and scream and scream in pain. As soon as a portion of these women call in the anesthesiologist, they suddenly calm and seem to “enjoy” labor more. They almost slide those babies out compared to their natural-going friends.

While I give the water birth and au naturale women a lot of credit and wish I could be so brave, I am choosing to go EPIDURAL - if I can. As mothers-to-be, we’d all like to be planners, but of course this can never happen with a birth. So the reality is that sometimes you don’t make it in time to get the epidural and you have an unexpected natural birth, or it wears off, or you need a C-section. Whatever the outcome is, we’d all like to have control in at least having a plan for the big day.

I have a few reasons for being in the epidural camp:

#1: I am a big fan of modern medicine. And while women didn’t have this option years ago, I have it now, and I’m sure the women from the Middle Ages would smack me down for not using it.

#2: Many women I have talked to that had natural childbirth with one child and an epidural for the other said the epidural birth was a lot more “enjoyable.”

#3: I have a vaso-vagul nerve response to pain. This means that often times, when my body is in severe pain, it shuts down. It usually involves fainting accompanied by a mild seizure. So I’d prefer to be awake and alert during this time.

#4: Right now, knowing I have the option for an epidural is my safety blanket, like my version of a doula. It’s the instrument to guide me to relaxation and strength on the big day.

BUT – birth plans, childbirth classes, yoga, reading, etc., can only get us so far. Ya never know what could happen, so keeping an open mind to every option is the best thing women can do to prepare for the biggest marathon in which we can’t fully train!

You don't want to see a picture of this! The unglamorous side of pregnancy....

The female body goes through a tremendous period of growth and change during pregnancy. I expected the obvious discomforts: back pain, indigestion, leg cramps, slowing down, sore hips, edema etc. And up until last month my chief complaint was just lower back pain.

Then in December, my hormones took over my body and a strange strange thing happened. I got a little bump in my mouth. It didn’t hurt or really even bother me. It was just something I never had before. After this bump had been around a few days I scraped it while brushing my teeth and my bathroom turned into what looked like a murder scene. Blood gushed out of my mouth for at least five minutes. Again, there was no pain, but now with this bleeding issue I was going to have to call up the dentist. My dentist wasn’t sure what it was, so he referred me to an oral surgeon to get a conclusive diagnosis.

My oral surgeon looked at my small bump, which had now grown into a not so small bump, and without hesitation he said it was a pyogenic granuloma, AKA a “pregnancy tumor.” Although completely benign, it can grow larger if left untreated. Who knew? It seems the main causes are a trauma to the mouth, a change in hormones, or lack of dental care. I am definitely in the one category of hormonal change so it was an easy diagnosis.

My surgeon recommended having it removed. As I left for the procedure, I planned to go to the gym afterward, clean out some boxes of old stuff, and do some errands. After all, this was only a short laser procedure. Ha! This little granuloma was so persistent in bleeding that I also needed several stitches. I was sent home with gauze, ice packs, a recommendation not to workout for three days or brush my teeth for a day, no spitting, swishing, sucking, no citrus or soda, and only mild, soft foods. With a throbbing mouth and face, my husband drove me home where I had to lie down the entire day. This was a much bigger deal than I imagined. Again, who knew? Pregnancy really does incite unpredictable and odd things to occur in one’s body.

Would you like a side of fries with your PLACENTA???

Did you know that many mammals eat or lick their placentas after giving birth? Every mammal that is, except humans.

Apparently, this developed into the idea that women should encapsulate their placentas in order to prevent hormone loss, postpartum depression, and to regain nutrients lost at birth. Encapsulating the placenta means that someone takes your juicy, throbbing organ and turns it into a pill to pop. What’s even more shocking is that a small fraction of these women simply take their placentas home and then fry them up with some onions and garlic, or turn them into placental smoothies. Looks like strawberry banana, tastes like eating part of your body!

I talked with my parents about this, because maybe I was in the dark and this is something that a lot of women do. Now, my parents are not scientists or medical doctors, but they are highly educated psychologists and were much closer to being hippies than I ever was. So I thought maybe they would have a thing or two to say about this. They told me that when animals eat their placentas they are likely doing it to hide evidence that a baby was just born, so predators don’t come looking for them. And when they are licking and eating during the birth, it’s in order to open the sac to release the baby. I liked this theory a lot more than wondering if I was missing out if I didn’t eat my placenta.

Upon further research, I learned that placentophagy is the term used to describe an animal that eats the placenta. Doctors have different views, because there could be some nutritional benefit, but the majority of doctors seem to be saying that in a society where we have access to healthful food and nutrients, eating the placenta is not necessary.

Here’s the bottom line: Animals lick their asses. I’m not going to start up that habit anytime soon. Dogs eat cat crap out of the litter box. Also not a habit I’ll be picking up. Animals also live in caves, dens, water, and holes, and I prefer apartment and house dwelling.

So if you choose to eat your own placenta, all the power to ya! It’s brave, unique, and also kind of creepy. I just figure, if the thought of eating my own body tissue revolts me, I’ll follow my OWN animal instincts, and after the birth I'd like a corned beef sandwich and glass of red wine please!