THE BREAST IS BEST - That is when you HAVE a breast!

If you look in parenting/pregnancy magazines and books, you won’t be able to avoid ads and articles about nursing and its products, such as maternity bras, breast pumps, help from lactation specialists, etc., with the slogan “the breast is best.”

Society has made a 180 degree turn from my parents’ generation. Both of my parents were bottle fed, and breastfeeding was NOT considered sophisticated or necessary. These days breastfeeding is encouraged over formula mainly because of the benefits of disease and allergy protection and probably also the bonding experience. However, it has gotten to the point that some lactation experts, among others, have become militant about getting women to breast feed and look down upon women who choose to (but maybe have to) bottle feed. The beginning of the "mommy wars" starts here...

Anyway, there are several reasons women go with formula. Some have to go to work right away and can’t pump enough to sustain breastfeeding. Other women adopt children, and we all understand why breastfeeding isn’t happening there. Others simply don’t produce enough milk, get infections, suffer from breast feeding pain, or have a baby that doesn’t latch well.

I won’t be able to breastfeed either, but my reason is slightly “unusual.” Due to having a high risk of breast cancer, I chose to have a preventative double mastectomy about a year and a half ago. I could have waited until AFTER I had children as to not deprive them of my heavenly breast milk, according to the lactation militia. However, I consciously decided that it was more important for me to be alive and healthy for my children than to breastfeed and increase the risk of getting an aggressive cancer. This is not the decision every woman makes being in my place, but it was the right one for me.

When my husband and I met with our pediatrician recently, we explained our non-breastfeeding situation, and she essentially put it this way: it’s not like the breastfed people end up at Harvard and the formula fed kids don’t. So there really, truly is not a significant difference in the long-term health of children who went without the breast. All babies get colds and that’s that. Can’t cry over spilled milk…pun intended.

I also started thinking about all the positives about NOT breastfeeding. First off, when the baby wakes up at night to eat, I don’t always have to get up to feed him or her. My husband gets to share in the responsibility and privilege. He’ll be able to bond with the baby during feedings, which many men don’t get to do. I also won’t have to worry about running back home if I’m away from the baby because I’m leaking or need to get a feeding in. Best of all, I won’t have to pump, which I hear can be quite annoying, time consuming, and doesn’t feel so great. Who would have known having "foobs" could give one such freedom? And of course the most important part being that I won’t have to fear breast cancer and prepare for the surgery I already did!

All that being said, there is a slight pang of guilt when I get bombarded by “breast is best” in all the reading. I just have to remind myself of the big picture and I feel a lot better. But let me warn any lactation specialist who tries to harass me at the hospital: I will tell you to go away without explanation. And if you want one, I’ll tell you to look at the cover of your health system’s annual report and check out the cover girl! 2010 Annual Hospital Report

AGE in the CITY

In 2009, The CDC estimated that the average age for first time mothers in the U.S. had jumped from age 21 in 1970 to 25 in 2006. I think it’s even more interesting to see how that number is likely different across different cities in the United States. I’m not a sociologist nor have I looked into many studies, but I can share some thoughts about the differences in the cities I have frequented (Chicago and Los Angeles) .

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that in most large cities in the U.S., even 25 seems very young to have a first child nowadays. These days, 25 even seems young to be getting married. When I was 12 years old, I thought I would be married by 21 and have a kid by 24. Then I hit 21 and realized that my maturity and place in life was not yet suited for marriage and parenting.

During my “quarter life crisis,” I moved to LA and it was around age 25-26 that I noticed and heard about a good portion of my Chicago friends/acquaintances getting married. By 27-28 a larger portion of the Chicagoans were getting married and even starting to have their first babies. It seemed like in Chicago, it was normal to be married and have a kid in your 20’s and also normal to be single and dating.

This did not appear to be the case in LA. My perception of life in LA for a woman was that career came first, and that had to be pursued all throughout one’s 20’s and possibly into one’s mid-30’s before even considering settling down, let alone having a baby. The stereotype of men in their 30’s to 50’s dating “girls” in their 20’s didn’t seem like a stereotype at all, considering I was one of those gals for a moment in time (but, ew, never over mid 40’s!!!!). With a dating dynamic such as that, it’s no wonder people aren’t settling down until later in life…and for many of these men I’ve observed, maybe not ever settling down and trying to play George Clooney for the rest of their lives. So when I got married in Los Angeles at 28, I felt very young compared to my surroundings, however, in Chicago it would seem to be an average age, and in middle of nowhere America, actually pretty old.

So now here I am, 29 years old, turning 30 just a few months after my baby is to be born, and I feel like it’s just the perfect age…for me. In the end, the age doesn’t matter of course, it’s feeling ready and being in the right place and having the right person by your side.