For some reason, I always thought I would go into labor early. I was born two weeks early, and I just had a feeling it would be that way for my baby too. When I was about halfway through my pregnancy I actually said to my husband, “I just hope the baby makes it to week 35.” I felt that at 35 weeks, although premature, the baby would have enough time to develop. Then, when I was 34 weeks along, my husband and I took our childbirth preparation class. After the class I said, “I feel really ready for our baby to come now!”
Around this time, most of my family and I were suffering from a stomach virus. I went to the doctor for my 34 week check up and he noticed that I was dehydrated and he was uncomfortable with the stomach issues I was having. He performed an exam and told us that the baby’s head had dropped low and my cervix was already starting to efface. There was no great cause for concern since many women can walk around like this for weeks, but my orders were to take it easy and call again if my stomach cramps continued. I was still allowed to go to an easy prenatal yoga class and keep my pregnancy massage appointment. When my cramping continued two days later, but my family’s had all gone away days before, I called the doctor again in the evening. He said to come in the next morning, but by 4:00 a.m., I was already in labor – mucus plug gone, back contractions started, and water bag broken, all in a thirty minute period. Our baby arrived a day before she was 35 weeks.
The most important things to note and be thankful for: I have a little girl (yay!), she was a great weight and length for being 5 weeks early (5 lbs, 11 oz and 19 inches), she was born without any problems and has been so strong, and I had an easy and pretty short labor.
Here is what troubled me: Why did she come so early? Was it this virus that became a catalyst for labor? Was I really in pre-term labor all along? Was it going to yoga and my massage when I could have taken it easier? Did I will it to happen by putting the idea out there earlier in my pregnancy and verbalizing how ready I felt? Logically, I know that I didn’t will her birth to happen early and we’ll never know the reason. But for about a week after she was born, although I was thrilled she was healthy and calm and beautiful, I was also deeply saddened that she didn’t have more time to get ready for the outside world and I was beset with a guilt I suppose most mothers in this situation might feel.
I think as a reaction I wanted to hold her all the time. If I was holding her I knew she was close to me and safe. As soon as we put her to bed, I was overcome with worry about her safety. Would I have felt these feelings had she been full-term? I guess I won’t know the answer to that either.
After several rounds of tears during that first week home and many talks with my husband and parents, I came to accept that our baby was early and that it was and will be okay! It was a lesson that reminded us that you can’t really plan anything in life. She came when she was ready and no one can be in control of that. So now we can only look forward, and what an exciting adventure is ahead!
